The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize