i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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