i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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