I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
