Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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