you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
