M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
