I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
