I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
