when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
