Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
