Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My vagina just recognized that song.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
