hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
