I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All I want is dick and wine.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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