Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
