Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
