She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize