you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
