its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
