thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
