I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
