why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize