and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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