just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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