You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your penis caused this!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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