I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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