News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
