is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
