I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
