birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
