It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
