Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
