His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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