She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
