Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
