Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
