He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
