Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
