Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize