I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
