Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
