Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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