problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
