His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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