i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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