I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize