i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
God, I missed his penis.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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