So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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