Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
