the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
