I hate your face
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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