She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
