hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
