You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I supernannyed him into submission
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize