So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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