Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
