ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
