i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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