On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
