ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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