my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
