You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
