Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
