just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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