He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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