Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize