Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
