I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
