Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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