I can tuck mytits in my pants
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
