i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize