Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
