I haven't been this sober since birth.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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