Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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