Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
