haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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