honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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