Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
