Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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