Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
