wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
