I wish I could teleport
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize