no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
