why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
