Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
