drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
