If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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