I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
