I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
