Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
