I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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