butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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