I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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