My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
