So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
