I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dick very happy bro
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