The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
