morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
