Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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