I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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