Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
