So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
