my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
