Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
