chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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