if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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