i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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