I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
