Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
