question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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